Traffic Realizations (WOLM #8)

On my way home.

You were with me.

We were comfortably sitting next to each other. I had my arms around you.

Then you saw it.

Everything changed. You removed my arms and distanced yourself from me.

I saw it too. I had to act like it was normal. It already is for you.

In a few seconds we were strangers trying to act like we never knew how one would say

“I miss you”

“I love you”

“I wish you were here with me.”

I ask myself

Why?

Out of all the people.

Why?

You started to worry if anyone caught a glimpse of us.

I knew because you searched your bag for your phone. Texting and even calling her.

I sat there quietly trying not to show my frustration, more importantly the hurt and my doubt.

I thought to myself have you ever had the same worry when they see you and her together?

Why?

I act like I didn’t see.

Not because I didn’t care.

I just didn’t want to care.

But in the end, I did care.

Why?

I didn’t feel hurt. I felt guilty.

Guilty for trying to act like I didn’t know or that I didn’t care if anyone sees us.

Guilty that even after all these years there are still places and situations where I have to act like I don’t know you. That we are strangers just minding our own separate lives in one location.

Guilty because I have to hide everything  because we have to keep someone else’ feelings in mind.

Guilty that I have to care about someone who doesn’t even know and care if I exist in your own little world.

Why?

Hurt.

That is what makes me guilty.

I know how it feels for someone to tell me they saw you with someone else.

Blah, that’s what I told them.

Ache, that’s what my heart felt.

Why?

After all these years. I still say to myself.

Lucky her. you found me.

Shame on me. you already have her.

I am sorry.

♥L

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s