I come here to write about what I am currently feeling, it’s not the positive feeling.
I feel drained when I wake up in the morning. Tension and anxiety run in my brain from the minute I wake up to the time that I am about to go sleep.
In the end, I find myself in a stagnant position.
It’s not a nice feeling. I hate not doing anything. Is it fun to have a stable job with nothing to do? No. Is it fun to hang around the house with nothing to do? No.
I am a workaholic stuck in a body of a procrastinator. I do not know what to do. I need to set goals but I find myself distracted or simply hopeless in a task I deem to not be successful or unique.
Why do I give up so easily? Challenges used to be my friend. Now, it is my foe. I used to love it when I am in a competition or simply something that let my brain do all the work. Now, I am simply finding an activity that requires the least amount of effort.
Why is this happening to me? I really do not have any idea.
Mental Health Issues?
I really do not know.
I try my best to help myself cope with this feeling of passiveness. Reading books, scribbling on paper, writing whatever is on my mind, etc. but I still cannot find what makes me contented with my life.
I have contemplated a whole lot about ending my stay here on earth but there is one thing that stops me from attempting it−HOPE.
The hope that this is just a part of my life and not the whole of it.
The hope that one day things will be better than it is now.
The hope that one special day I will look in the mirror and tell myself “Look at you now. You have gone through many obstacles but you are now the winner.”
The hope that one day there will be less heartbreaks and more heartfelt sweet moments.
I am still positive.
Positive that one day I can tell the world that I had my own share of hardships larger than anyone will ever think of and that I am still there sharing all of it.
I am sorry for the sad entry. I am not feeling well but I also want everyone to know that I am still here, struggling but fighting.